


The Oldest Known Yelp Reviews

by ricketybridge



Category: Mesopotamian RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 04:58:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18985753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ricketybridge/pseuds/ricketybridge
Summary: In 2019, archaeologists discovered four tablets from ancient Ur that are considered to be the oldest known written reviews of a merchant. It is believed that the merchant in question is the same one mentioned in the oldest known written complaint (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complaint_tablet_to_Ea-nasir).These are their translations in English.





	The Oldest Known Yelp Reviews

Tablet 1

To those who would do business with Ea-Nasir, from Amar-Sin:

DO NOT BUY COPPER FROM EA-NASIR. Ea-Nasir promised me the finest copper in Ur. Then, when he presented his ingots to me, I saw that they were riddled with impurities. I said, “Why do you present to me ingots with impurities?” and he said, “My ingots have no impurities. May your rear end be filled with impurities.” Who is he to speak to me, a gentleman, this way? Ea-Nasir is a liar and a fraud and not a gentleman. I would give him zero Dingirs if could. One Dingir.

 

Tablet 2

To those who would do business with Ea-Nasir, from Bulludhu:

Ea-Nasir’s copper is pricey for what you get, but he complimented me on my robes. Three Dingirs.

 

Tablet 3

To those who would do business with Ea-Nasir, from Ishme-Dagan:

I ordered five copper ingots from Ea-Nasir, but my messenger returned from him with five stones painted a copper color. I struck my messenger and asked him, “Why have you attempted to deceive me?” My messenger said that the stones were as he retrieved them from Ea-Nasir. Since my messenger is a gentleman like myself and has served me well for years, I believe him. But when I asked Ea-Nasir to return my money, he said my messenger robbed him of ten minas of silver and demanded I give this amount to him. This is outrageous. I have notified the authorities of his deceptions. May Ea-Nasir die with boils all over his body. One Dingir. 

 

Tablet 4

To those who would do business with Ea-Nasir, from Shalanum:

EA-NASIR IS THE BEST MERCHANT IN UR. DO NOT BELIEVE THE OTHER REVIEWERS, WHO ARE ONLY OTHER COPPER MERCHANTS WHO ARE JEALOUS OF EA-NASIR’S HIGH QUALITY COPPER. THEY WILL ROT IN THE UNDERWORLD FOR THEIR LIES. EA-NASIR SELLS THE BEST COPPER IN BABYLONIA. Five Dingirs.


End file.
